Taxonomy of writers

Great writers occasionally shit their pants

When I was a baby writer learning how to make the words go I was ravenous for references of how other people did it. There are types of writers: people who labor constipated over precise perfection, agonizing over every word like they’re etching a golden tablet. Or, the folks who just shit out a tremendous volume of babble, and trust they can cut it into something good later. When I first heard of these types, I imagined they were like Pokemon, with advantages and disadvantages. And they are, but one is just better.

On a second axis of this Punnett square are the people who meticulously plan everything out ahead of time, such that when they start writing, they’re basically a printer; instantiating a design file which already exists. Contrast with the other type, who are flying by the seat of their pants, bushwhacking through their own plot and discovering the twists as they go.

As these concepts were introduced to me, I learned about them with a sort of nonjudgmental neutrality. Everyone is different; kumbaya. However, this seems kind of like contrasting capitalism and communism, or trying to scale anarchy as a governmental structure. Different approaches are better-suited for different scales.

I was born a constipated gardener. Every single word on the page needed to be perfect and beautiful or else I would hate myself, and also, I had no idea what the ending would be until I got there.

The thing that no one told me about all of these different writing types is this some of them are worse. The “no plan YOLO” fanfic writer is at least actually practicing the craft; creating art they can iterate and improve on. What’s more, the fanfic writer is enjoying themselves; they don’t have the self-criticality which stops a person from continuing to produce. When you write down Pregnant!Sonic x Fluttershy and think to yourself, I am so fucking smart, that’s a nice experience. It’ll keep you coming back.

Unlike the constipated writer, who’s afraid of creating attack surface. If a single word on the page is not perfect there is no option but seppuku. They produce less, learn nothing, and so their writing ends up “not even wrong”.

Surely you see where I’m going with this. After years of really struggling with writing, I have found babble-and-prune to be both a nicer experience that also generates a nicer product.

I am asking you to shit your pants.

I am asking you to forgive yourself when the words don’t look good on the first or second or third pass. I am asking you to have patience if you look down and find yourself run-off-a-cliff, Wile E Coyote style. Keep going.

Writing while not allowed to suck is like trying to drive with the E-Brake on. Like, sure, you can, but it’s way more effort, you get way less far, it’s terrible for the system, and it doesn’t actually improve outcomes unless the outcome you really want is to stop.

Make a hallow within yourself in which the words might bloom.

(Also once you gain more self-knowledge and granularity to notice what different parts of you are feeling, there are other advantages for self-love and accepting yourself. Perhaps you will develop the courage to look within, and not flinch away from what you find.)

Try it sometime. You might be surprised at what comes out of you.